“Track 5:” Take Away the Sad

FRIDAY

2:30PM

This place we go could break our backs, Edie thought. She flicked the ash from the end of her cigarette in an effort to stop the overgrowth of thoughts that had sprung up in her mind like wildflowers. 

“Was it worth it all?” Roxy, the youngest, poured herself another glass of wine from the spigot attached to the box of red blend the girls procured from the convenience store before heading out to the river. “We missed every proper spring break to ‘tour’ in the back of Gaby’s retched station wagon.”

 These heartfelt songs, all we got, what we’re living for- ‘were living for.’ Edie made a mental note that their university years were due to become past tense in just nineteen hours time. 

“We graduated this morning and Roxy’s over here whining like she spent the last four years in prison.” Cate tapped at the vintage Casio keyboard on her lap, filling their air with the sound of 80s synth baby toys. 

Gabby eyed Roxy, “make one comment about the Wagon being worse than prison and you’re walking home.” 

“You said it, not me.” Roxy winked at Gaby, passing her own plastic cup of cheap wine over to Gaby as a peace offering. 

Los Angeles was weighing on Edie’s mind. She knew the move would be challenging, but in her estimation, the best adventures always were. And this one, she’d been planning with her best friends and bandmates. Edie made the decision right then to let her worries bloom and let the wind carry her thoughts like petals away with it. Away from their last night in their old college town.

Leaning against the back hatch, Edie inhaled the last of her smoke, taking in their final time drinking on the bank of this river. It would be their last weekend in Wood Well’s downtown, their last time playing their last house party. Edie smiled at the thought, because at the end of every ‘last,’ you arrive at a new ‘first.’

“What are you smirking about over there?” Gaby asked, passing Roxy’s cup to Edie. 

“All the lasts, before all the next firsts.” Edie downed the rest of the drink-

“Hey!” Roxy sniped back her empty cup, refilling it with what was left in the box.

Cate rolled her eyes at Roxy. The two girls couldn’t be more different. One as selfless as the other was selfish. But the balance is what kept these girls friends for all four years. 

Gaby, the quiet planner, stuffed her hands in her pockets, averting her eyes from Edie who seemed to be lost in another day dream about Los Angeles. It was easy to tell when it was happening. It was was same look Edie got when she saw a tattooed boy with short cropped hair playing a song on his guitar at a bar. These were Edie’s favorite types of stomach flips, the one she could never hide on her face. 

“Well I for one am glad the touring days in this wagon are over. The backseat is a literal pain in my ass.” Roxy said.

“You didn’t seem to mind that backseat when you were getting railed by Edie’s leftovers last week.” Cate snickered.

Edie perked up, out of her thoughts, “What! Which one?” 

Cate recorded a beat on her keyboard. “Alan.” 

Edie nodded in approval, “Alright Alan. Didn’t think he had it in him.” 

“Me either.” Gaby said, “His jeans were so skinny. Left literally nothing to the imagination.”

“UGH- Cate! That was a secret.” Roxy groaned. 

Edie stared at her friends; Roxy- always pouting over something, Cate- forever tapping at the keyboard, Gabby- always wrangling the band.

Edie went quiet.  

Not over Alan. She could give fuck all about Alan. But because Edie was bursting at the seam to talk about their move to California, but Gaby had put a ban on it until they were on the road. 

So that they could stay in the moment here in Wood Well as long as they could.

They’d have hours on a cross country bus to talk about L.A. if they wanted to. 

“Can we please talk about it? Just a little bit?” Edie was practically begging.

Gaby stood up, stretching her legs, rotating her arms, as if readying herself for a workout. “Here we go…”

Cate shot Gaby a look, but Gaby evaded it.  

Then Roxy tried to meet their eyes, but Gaby made no effort to meet her stare either. She just remained with her hands in her pocket. Because as of this moment, Gaby had not yet told Edie something very, very- important.

Gaby pushed her shoulders back, now braced for a fight. “You know, when I was 18 I thought I’d never get married. Or at lease wait til I was like- 40 or something.” Gaby said pulling her hands from her pocket. 

“What’s marriage got to-” Edie looked at Gaby as she slipped the tiniest diamond engagement ring she’d ever seen on her left hand. “Gaby. What the actual fuck?”

“He asked. And I love him.” Gaby shrugged. “It’s Johnny. He and I just make sense.”

“You’re twenty-one years old!” Edie was practically screaming.

Cate slunk back against the car. And for once, Roxy, stayed quiet, opting to fill her mouth with more cheap wine instead of words.

“You guys… what’s going on?” Edie asked. Her words felt like they landed on a brick wall of silence.

Gaby took one quick breath. “None of us want to go to L.A.”

Cate looked up at Gaby. “Gabs…”

Gaby shook off Cate. “Actually. None of us are going. We returned our tickets.”

Edie dropped into a squat, her knees buckling. She pressed her palms into her forehead, simultaneously trying to ward off a migraine and the urge to vomit. 

Edie let the words tumble out of her mouth quietly. “We leave tomorrow morning.”

This is what it felt like to have your life upended. 

“You can still go…” Roxy starred into her cup, swirling her drink around.

Edie shot her eyes up at her, looking feral from her crouched position. “WE’RE MEETING WITH A PRODUCER- AS A BAND!”

“It’s a guy from tiktok, we don’t even know if he’s legit.” Gaby said. Cate and Roxy kept looking to her before they considered speaking. Edie knew full well that Gaby was the ring leader.

“And what, you two got engaged behind my back, too? What’s your excuse?”

Cate smiled. “I got into an animal program abroad. I’m going to Africa, to help save elephants.” It was all true, and Cate was so proud she was beaming. But Edie could barely acknowledge it, not when she was this devastatingly angry. 

Cate nudged Roxy. “I’m- I’m spending the summer in Santorini with my sister…” Then Roxy shot up out of her seat. “But if you like So Cal, maybe I could come down after. In the fall!”

“My god, don’t do me any favors.” Edie was on her feet again, pacing, making tiny crop circles in the grass along the riverbed. “I can’t believe you three. When did this decision even happen?”

“Last month.” Cate whispered.

Edie leaned back into the car, a wave of nauseous punched her in the gut. The girls didn’t want a blackout on L.A.-talk because of graduation, “You’re all fucking cowards.” Edie snapped before climbing the bank, desperate to be gone..

Cate called after her. “Edie, come on, you can’t walk back into town from here.”

“I’ll walk til I get reception.”

“Are we still playing our show tonight?” Roxy yelled after Edie. She wasn’t that far away yet. She did hear her, Edie just didn’t want to stop. She’d have walked all the way to California if she could. 

“Hey, Edie-” She stopped at the sound of Gaby’s voice. “Thanks for saying fucking congratulations to me.” But Edie never turned around, she just kept on walking. Because while Edie had a lot to say, none if it was kind. 

And it certainly had nothing to do with revelry.

3:45PM

Edie braced herself before she rounded the street corner that would lead her to what was about to be her old house. She paced in the shade the old pine tree that guarded Caspian Way. There wasn’t much Edie could do. Her bags were inside. Her guitar was inside. Her bus ticket. 

Her future was trapped in that house. She had to go inside.

Edie finally pushed herself forward, imaging the wind at her back. Anything to get her in- and back out- of that house.

Stepping inside now, into this place that was painted and plastered with good times, drunken nights and the loudest singing she’d ever enjoyed- left Edie more furious than she had been at the river. It was all a lie. 

This empty place. 

Every time they had ‘sold’ what they didn’t need to bring to L.A. It was a lie.

When Cate said she moved her things into storage for the move.

She meant for her move across the world. And she lied.

Every time Roxy ordered an outfit for the west coast, it was for Greece.

A lie.

And when Gaby said she took her things to her parents, she must have taken them to Johnny’s.

All of them lied to her face for weeks. 

Edie stormed up the stairs more motivated than ever.

She flung whatever was left on her bathroom counter into the open duffle bag on the floor, she grabbed her last pair of shoes, slung her guitar on her back and bolted for the staircase.

By the time she hit the front door, the sound of the garage door opening made her freeze. For just a second, she thought about staying.

Just to scream at them. Fuming, Edie decided they didn’t even deserve that, So she reached for the handle of the front door instead and hustled through the door under the weight of her bags and her gear, and slammed the door behind her with force enough to shake that old pine tree on the corner of Caspian Way. 

FRIDAY NIGHT

8:00PM

At the house, Gaby, Cate and Roxy pack the Wagon full of their gear for their final show. 

“Is she even going to come?” Roxy asked, annoyed, slinging cords into the back of Gaby’s ride.

Cate shook her head. “Of course she’ll be there!”

Gaby, choosing to remain silent, quietly hoped that Cate was right.

Across town, Edie loaded up on whatever drinks the young, Not-So-Gentleman sitting next to her was providing her with at the bar of The Woodman. 

“Another?” asked the Not-So-Gentleman, signaling the bartender before Edie can answer. Another round of drinks arrives as Edie finishes the beverage in front of her.

“Last one,” Edie says. “Then I need a ride.”

9:00PM

Traitors.

Traitors in ripped jeans for armor with amps and drum sticks as weapons. 

This was not how Edie imagined approaching her last show with her best friends. In fact, Edie had never imagined them having a last show. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she imagined they’d always play together. In their forties, to embarrass their future kids at their weddings as they aged into their fifties… as long as their hands worked she assumed they’d be friends who played music together. 

From the front yard, through the window to the house party, Edie had to stop herself from puking in the shrubs at her feet. There were her friends, she thought. All of them setting up for the show as if it were any other night. She watched Gaby pull her phone from her back pocket. Her teensy little engagement ring glinted dully under the dim house party lights as she tapped furiously on her screen.

Edie’s phone buzzed almost immediately. It was Gaby.

Where are you? Don’t make us put Roxy on lead vocals for fucks sake. 

Bitch, Edie thought as she let the smallest laugh slip. Gaby knew that would get a laugh. After all these years none of them had the heart to tell Roxy she just couldn’t carry a tune.

Edie sucked in a deep breath, hauled up her guitar case and her bags and tried not to stumble into the siding of the house as she climbed the steps of the front porch.

Inside, Edie was hit with a wall of sweat and cologne, it hung stagnant in the air. The smell of cheap beer and a years worth of stale pizza had permeated these walls. The urge to puke was one feeling Edie was not going to escape tonight. 

Suck it up, she told herself, then she marched off to the makeshift stage.

“You came!” Cate squealed as Edie readied her guitar. Plugging in. 

“Yup.” Edie said. “I tend to stick to my plans.”

Cate’s shoulders dropped. Roxy looked at Gaby for comfort, but she had none to give. With that, before any of the girls could say anything, Edie walked up to the microphone. 

“Thanks for coming out everybody- hell yeah to Graduation, right?!” the crowed swayed as Edie slurred on the mic. 

Roxy leaned into her, careful to keep her bass from hitting Edie’s guitar, “Sure you’re okay to front the show?”

“You’d love it if I couldn’t. Wrap it all up a few hours early, send me on my way-”

Gaby stood up from behind her drum kit and Cate hovered as if she might need to catch Roxy, emotionally stung and slinking away from Edie. 

Edie was practically strangling the mic stand now, roaring into the mesh of the metal. “Thanks for showing up, everyone. We used to go by Lost Letters, but let’s close out this year by calling us what we really are. We’re Edie and the Traitors-” Edie turned around and glared at the girls. “This is our last show.”

Edie waited for Gaby to sit down and count them off, the two of them staring each other down. When she finally did, it was all clashing metal, cacophonous yelps from the audience and Edie’s raw, scratchy voice. 

The show passed in a heartless blur.

It was bad. Off key- and off rhythm. 

It was one Edie hoped to forget by morning. 

11:00PM

Lost Letters had played their last show. 

It should have only been their last show in Wood Well, but with a thousand more on the horizon. Instead, Edie was sat alone on the front porch of a house party, staring at the gear of her bandmates at the base of the stairs.

“Hey-” Edie prickled at the sound of Gaby’s voice before she turned and saw the girls come out of the house. Her ex-friends, her old bandmates. “We need to talk to you.”

Edie pushed herself up off the steps with out a word, staring back at them. Three against one. 

Cate stood there, hands in her back pockets. Roxy did much of the same, staying tight-lipped, her arms crossed in front of her. Gaby rolled her eyes at them, the pair of them no help at all.

“Right…” Gaby said, then pulled a wad of cash from her wallet. “Here. This is for you.” It was a mass of crinkled bills, all rolled up in a rubber band.

Gaby pushed the cash out in the air as far as she could away from her, and as close as she could to Edie. “Look, Johnny and I talked and we want you to have the money I would have contributed to the apartment for the first few months. We all did. So you can still afford to be there.”

Cate and Roxy hovered next to Gaby, but took care to cautiously angle themselves just behind her. The illusion of a joint display of unity. 

Edie cocked her head sideways. “With all you guys having coming up you can magically part with all this cash? How can you guys even affor- “Edie was distracted by an old pickup truck backing up towards them. 

Three boys tumbled out of the cab, and they headed straight for the band’s gear, and the girls did nothing but watch. As they hoisted Gaby’s drum kit, Edie leapt off the porch at them.

“Hey! Back off-” the guys stumbled, nearly dropping Gaby’s kit. “This isn’t free trash pick up, assholes-” Edie tried to wrench the drums from them, but Cate and Roxy pulled her back.

“Edie, babe. Stop.” Edie looked at Cate. Then Roxy. Then up to Gaby. 

She hadn’t processed it yet. 

The connection between the cash and watching their instruments being carted off by a bunch of kids. 

Gaby walked down the steps, head angled at the boys, “it’s fine. You can still take it all.” Then Gaby turned to back to Edie and put the money into her hand.

“We’re sorry, Edie.” Roxy practically whimpered it behind the safety of Gaby’s frame. 

Edie stared at the money. 

She could feel herself being watched by the girls as she slowly put it all together, drunk and still very much in shock. 

Edie seethed as the puzzle pieces snapped together in her brain. “You’re sorry?” She hated her instincts. To protect them- their things- and for what?  They had sold it all. Traded cash for their apologies, like some country club dad peeling off bills to the kids he can’t be bothered to be present for. She didn’t even recognize these girls.

Fingers wrapped around the crinkled bills of all sizes, Edie watched her knuckles go white before she threw the money back in Gaby’s face. 

“I’m not taking your money, this isn’t a trade. I’ll figure it all out when I get to the coast. Alone.” Edie shook her head. “You’re sorry…”

Cate, Roxy and Gaby we’re frozen. Not one of them knew what to say. 

“Right, well. This is all over then.” Edie nodded at the pickup truck holding her bandmates old gear. “Enjoy your lives.” Edie grabbed her bag and her guitar and walked out into the dark.

SATURDAY

1:00AM

At the first bar she found, Edie downed two shots and a beer. But that wasn’t where she stayed.

Now, Edie was crashing through the apartment door of a Local Guy’s house. 

It was all sloppy lips, no grace, no emotion. Just Edie trying to exercise the thoughts in her head while the Local Guy did his damndest to get laid. He tugged at her shirt, trying to get it free from her torso, but her guitar and her bag were still secured to her shoulders.

“Wait-” she said, unlinking from him, ready to free her gear from her body. As she did, her eyes registered the sights of this dim apartment; a Jim Beam poster on the wall, a dead animal head over the fireplace, car magazines scattered on the coffee table. Edie shivered. This wasn’t where she wanted to spend her last night in Wood Well. It’s not where she’d like to spend any night in Wood Well. 

“Here, I can help you-” the Local Guy reached for her stuff but Edie just shook her head ‘no,’ stumbling back towards the door. 

“I- can’t- I can’t be here tonight.” She said, her eyes blinking in and out of focus.

“Uh, okay? Tomorrow night?” the Local Guy asked, a hopeful tinge to the last of his words. 

“Yeah. Tomorrow. Just- just call me.” Edie bolted back through the doorway.

She practically ran down the hall of the apartment building. 

Tomorrow she’d be on the road and headed west. She’d never come back to this apartment, let alone to Wood Well. 

3:00AM 

Cate, Gaby and Roxy, all out of their gig clothes and stripped of their makeup, sit in their empty living room staring at nothing.

“I don’t think she’s coming back here you guys.” Cate sighed, the guilt permeating her face.

Roxy yawned. “Should we go look for her?”

“She’s not fucking chipped, Roxy. What are we supposed to do?” Gaby snapped. 

Roxy slunk back into her corner of the wall.

“We’re just trying to help, Gabs…” Cate said.

“I’m tired.” Gaby pushed off the ground and stormed upstairs. The sound of a door slamming into its frame sounded in the distance.

“We have anything left in the fridge?” Roxy asked.

“Hmm. Water. Maybe hot pockets in the freezer?” Cate wondered.

Roxy jumped off the ground, still wobbly and a little buzzed. “Oooh, hot pockets.”

In the kitchen, Roxy and Cate made their last college meal of pepperoni hot pockets and bubble water.

Roxy bit into her steaming snack, instantly regretting it and spit the first bite into the sink before she doused her mouth in lime flavored La Croix.

“Cate-” Roxy said, in-between soaking her tongue in the cool liquid. “Do you think she’s really gonna go?”

Cate blew onto her portion of food, still scared to test it. “I do. And I’m worried we’re never going to see her again.”

6:00AM

The sun rose over Wood Well. 

All graduates and remaining co-eds still sound asleep, delaying their inevitable hangovers in their own beds, or the beds of others- all over town. 

But not Edie.

Tucked away on a bus station bench, Edie stirs, lifting her head off her bag, spooning her guitar for safe keeping.

“Uhhhg…” Edie clutched her head. Then the kink her neck. To be honest, her whole body should probably be stretched across a foam roller right about now.

Arms above her head, Edie caught a whiff of herself. “Gross.” She shuttered at the smell of her beer and sweat laden clothes from the day before.

Belongings in hand, Edie exited the bus station.

7:00AM

Freshly showered and changed, Edie walks up to the Front Desk Receptionist on duty at her gym. “I’d like to cancel my gym membership.”

The Receptionist puts down his green drink. “Is there something you wish we’d have improved, to get you to stay, or-”

“No. I’m never coming back here. Edie Reid-” She rips off her membership tag from her key chain and drops in on the desk. “Cancel me. Thanks.” Edie flashes a sharp smile at her as she walks out the door. 

7:35AM

Fueling up at a coffee shop, Edie devours a pastry and the largest caffeinated beverage they have. The Barista loads up a to go bag with cookies, a sandwich, and a bottle of water. She slides it across the counter to Edie.

A buzz simmers in her back pocket, Edie pulls it out, two missed calls from Cate, three texts from Roxy. Nothing from Gaby. 

Edie stuffs the last of her pastry into her mouth and wipes her hands on her jeans. 

8:45AM

At the bus depot, Edie loads her bag onto the bus, keeping her book bag and guitar on her shoulder. There’s no line to get on, the doorway is clear. Edie looks around at this tiny corner of Wood Well one last time. It’s crowded by trees, the mountains loom in the background, and there are no tall buildings to obscure the view of their peaks or the crystal blue skies. Edie does not take this last look for granted. 

There wouldn’t be views like this in Los Angeles. 

Her guitar securely on her back, she makes her way onto the bus.

Past the passengers already seated, she finds an open spot near the back and settles in. With any luck, she’d have this space to herself until she hits grand central station. 

8:50AM

“We should have left at 8!” Gaby screams behind the wheel, swerving in her station wagon through town.

“You said you didn’t want to see her off!” Roxy was still half asleep, trying to tame her bedhead into a ponytail in the back seat.

Cate is jolted awake, launched forward, caught by her seat belt as Gaby slams on the breaks at a red light. “Fuuuuuck-”

Gaby shakes her head, gripping the steering wheel, ready to jump out of her skin. “We should have gone to say goodbye.”

9:09AM

Gaby’s station wagon grinds to a halt at the bus station.

It was empty.

Somewhere down the road, Edie is sat on a bus destined for Los Angeles. “She’s going to hate us forever.” Gaby’s eyes are loaded with tears, one blink ready to unleash a flood.

Cate climbs out of the car, “damn it!” 

“Someone call her! Tell her we came!” Roxy pleads from the back seat, her phone dead and lifeless in her hand.

Cate keeps trying, “She’s not picking up…”

Gaby pulls out her phone, begins to dial, then stops…she stares at Edie’s name on her lock screen, the reality of how they handled this sinking in… and she puts her phone away. “It’s over you guys. She’s gone.”

9:20AM

Sat alone at the back of the bus. 

One girl.

One guitar.

Bandless.

Edie knew none of this looked the way she’d drawn it up all those years ago on the sixth floor of their dorm. Graduation was supposed to be the beginning, not their end. But Gaby wanted stay, Roxy was off to Greece, and Cate would go wherever she felt needed most in the world. 

And Los Angeles was calling Edie. 

It was cowardly of her, she knew it, not saying goodbye to the girls when she could have. She could have been better… But now, ten minutes outside of Wood Well, Montana, Edie was on the highway, and it turns out none of them knew how to take the high road.

She would write without Gaby. She would find a way to be fine on her own. To prove it, Edie pulled a notebook from her book bag and put her pen to a fresh page in her book and began to write the first line of a song.

It occurred to Edie that for the first time, she’d have to finish it all on her own. 

Her first, first- alone. After a weekend of lasts with her friends.

Edie wondered where she’d be when she finished this song. Maybe somewhere across the mountains, maybe once her toes were safely in the sand of some beach along the coast… It was impossible to know.

Edie didn’t know where the four of them would all end up, let alone if she’d ever see the girls again. But when she looked down at the very first line in her new notebook, she knew at the very least that what she had written was true; ‘Running away, it felt so right, but leaves us all alone tonight.’

*Written with the added inspiration from the first and last lyrics of the Seth Anderson song, “Take Away the Sad.”